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DiggWhat Did Jesus See?
The Rev. Mark Bozzuti-Jones responds to Don Meserve’s Stations of the Cross, 14 bas-relief panels which capture an intimate vision of what Jesus saw and felt in his final hours.
What am I thinking, on my way to death?
Thoughts wrestle as my heart pounds, my stomach sinking and my hands getting moist. The Spirit and the Adversary wage a battle. When I see the cross, reality hits.
I hear the crowds shouting, “Crucify him!” So when Pilate hands me over, all that I predicted is coming to pass. I taught that the Son of Man would undergo great suffering, great rejection, and be killed. I taught my disciples that my death is part of the divine plan — they found that difficult.
Do you?
I do.
My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?
I remember teaching: “Those who would come after me must deny self and take up the cross.” I taught these words because the undeniable path to salvation is with and through the cross. It is like labor pain. There is no birth without labor. No life in fullness without the cross. I think as I carry the cross, this is why I came into the world. I have known with my mind and done with my body. As I embrace the cross, I see the vertical beam as representing knowing and the horizontal beam as doing: the cross a complete act of serving my father. It is the cross that reminds me I am connected vertically to God and the earth; horizontally to each other, to every human being.
I fall three times. Each time, I cannot rise again. Every tissue and fiber in my body wants to end it right there, eating the dust of the ground. But I rise. I think, I want those who follow me to rise. Take up the cross, beats my heart. In embracing the cross, I follow my own words, becoming me.
What am I thinking? Of the many people who die before their time, those who die unjustly. Of the hearts broken because of injustice, war, hatred, and death. I think that finally, the cross will teach humanity that the pathway of love, not revenge, has more value than seeking one’s own good.
Before I die, I think something like this:
“The hour has come for the Son of Man to be glorified. Very truly, I tell you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains just a single grain; but if it dies, it bears much fruit. Those who love their life lose it, and those who hate their life in this world will keep it for eternal life” (John 12: 23-25).
My God, my God, why have you forsaken me
Into your hands, O Lord, I commend my Cross.
Amen.
The Rev. Mark Bozzuti-Jones is an author and priest for pastoral care at Trinity Wall Street.
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