NY Mission & Service Trip:
Finding a Seat at the Table

This is the second reflection from the New York Mission and Service Trip. Learn more about the summer-long project with partner Hour Children here.

I had trouble distinguishing the volunteers from the participants when they arrived in the Parish Hall in suits and neatly ironed dresses. Trinity staff and parishioners mingled with the previously incarcerated women participating in Hour Children's Working Women Program, everyone clearly eager to begin.

This was the second weekend of the Trinity Mission and Service Trip in partnership with Hour Children and I, the summer intern holding a big camera and notepad, mostly listened and learned.

"Etiquette is just good manners," Maggy Charles said to start the day off.

As someone who occasionally eats with his elbows on the table, I decided to take notes.

We spent a few hours discussing the proper way to introduce yourself . "When is it correct to introduce yourself and Ms?" someone wanted to know.

We talked about appropriate dress for interviews. "Dress one step up from what you'd wear to work at the job you are interviewing for." (I wrote this one down for myself.)

Phone and email etiquette. "When signing off on an email, when should you use 'Sincerely' or 'Respectfully,'" one woman asked, something I have also wondered while writing my own emails.

Then Isabella wanted to practice her handshake, and so everyone ended up milling around the room shaking hands -- an exercise that would benefit many professionals I know.

"We're all still learning," Trinity staff member and volunteer Donna Presnell said as they debated whether a particular suit was appropriate for an interview.

It was a reminder that what we sometimes think of as "common sense" is neither common, nor often very sensible. Why would any sane person wear a suit in the summer, for example?

Also, why are there so many forks?

Well, one for salad and one for the entrée, we learned at lunch at Merchants Café NYC, where we practiced dining etiquette. Latasha sat on my left, asking questions as we were shown the correct way to hold our silverware. She explained to me that she's been out of prison for a year, released to her family. She has plans for her career, and had one of the volunteers reviewing her resume by the end of the meal.

Lunch was as much about making the women participating in the program feel welcome and comfortable at the table as it was about etiquette.

What the Mission and Service Trip with Hour Children reminds me is that, in a world full of unspoken codes and invisible ceilings, at times we all need someone to help us find a seat at the table.

--Jeremiah Sierra